I'm finally enjoing life, it's great!!!
I've spent the last 2 weeks to parties, live music nights, bbqs on the beach, riding the bike all over the town and premises, meeting friend, beach volley...yes, now i am my self!!!
Well, i've enjoied my self big time that's true. And i don't regret or want to change a single thing of the last 2 weeks!!!
Just one thing...I'm confused about a good friend, who's so messed up but this friend can't find a way out i think, it's a long time we don't talk, we don't meet, we just live ignoring eachothers...maybe it's good like that, maybe it's not, but i'm in a moment that i don't want to care about this friend(LET'S JUST CALL THIS FRIEND X), really, i feel like it's good we keep some distance, but i would like to know this friend is ok, is sorting out the mess where dropped in, and want to climb out of this well alone, no help, no hand from anyone, maybe i'm wrong, but as i knew this person at least a bit i think, for matter of indipedence, pride, selfishness or what you want to call it, this friend is in a deep D I Y moment, too deep for X to climb out alone, but X can not realise, don't want to realise, X is very stubborn...
I should just mind about my own business, but what's more important business than a friend?? I mean of course you have to care about your life, about your career, about whatever the fuck you have to care about, but at the end of the day, when you go to meet your friends and you see them with a face down to the ground, you can't skip the bad mood..you can't ignore the nasty atmosphere even if people wants to mask it....i've always been a person that can see over the mask, under the surface of things, i never stopped at the surface to understand what's going around me, i have to dig, cause i've learnt very soon that if you want to get to the core of things you have to dig, dig a lot most of times, not being afraid of every demon that can come out of the hole you dig, be able to face and win the demons, and driven by the will to get to the real thing, i learnt also how to dig deep...But this time X just... surprised me, cause on the surface X looks so bright, so strong, so indipendent, so clever and with the skills to survive, but deep inside X is just another bird through the storm, but X, maybe in this i'm wrong, i hope so, always lived its life in the shadow of someone else, and just recently learnt to spread its wings for its self and fly...but X learnt to do it a bit late maybe, X has had a long life in studies, been in a faraway land to study as well, but now that X is alone and half naked, through the storm, don't seem to know how to fight against the storm, maybe cause someone else did it for X before, or maybe cause X just didn't learn how to know the winds and their directions, the powers that roars and spits against you in this storm we call life, X defend itself creating walls around, but those walls are coming down hitten by the strongest storm of its life, those walls are a prison for X...X can not find harmony with the world around, with itself, cause anyway X is a fighter(harmony maybe is just not something that belongs to fighters...), as X did its battles before, somes are lost, somes are won, some was lost against itself, maybe harmony is not part of X, but X keeps looking for this harmony that can not find, cause X wants this harmony big time...
Yeah, maybe X just needs to be left alone, maybe X just deserves it...
Last time we met X was like a piece of ice, totally indifferent, totally far...maybe just lost in its troubles, maybe just willing to keep far from me, but at the end of the day X texted me it was sorry for this attitude, i actually didn't believe and anyway i didn't care...I don't know X, i felt you did that like you would do it to your dog, but ...i suggest you to buy a dog instead if you need someone to have some kind of personal revenge with...me i'm over on my way...
Take care of yourself, i think i can not really do anything good for you anymore and let me tell you've made me realise it...I don't feel like talking with X anymore in my life, but i really wish X can sort out all its problems, cause X don't deserve to live in this awful storm it's crossing now and can't find the way out...
If the winds will take us on the same road again i will be happy, but for now i will forget everything, cause i really need to forget X, as you can not just ignore X...you need to forget it...
X has been burnt by its mistakes, by mistakes of others,by my mistakes. I tried to give you all the support, i agree, sometimes i went the extra mile, but this is it i don't feel like to care about you anymore...i don't hate you, i don't love you, maybe i just don't understand you anymore...even if i commit i don't understand you anymore, and you neither want to be understood or supported...And as i can not ignore you, even if i tried believe me, i prefer to forget about you, cause all this thing is really corroding me...
whatever X, take care...
