Talking about someone who's really really stuck...

I'm finally enjoing life, it's great!!!
I've spent the last 2 weeks to parties, live music nights, bbqs on the beach, riding the bike all over the town and premises, meeting friend, beach volley...yes, now i am my self!!!
Well, i've enjoied my self big time that's true. And i don't regret or want to change a single thing of the last 2 weeks!!!
Just one thing...I'm confused about a good friend, who's so messed up but this friend can't find a way out i think, it's a long time we don't talk, we don't meet, we just live ignoring eachothers...maybe it's good like that, maybe it's not, but i'm in a moment that i don't want to care about this friend(LET'S JUST CALL THIS FRIEND X), really, i feel like it's good we keep some distance, but i would like to know this friend is ok, is sorting out the mess where dropped in, and want to climb out of this well alone, no help, no hand from anyone, maybe i'm wrong, but as i knew this person at least a bit i think, for matter of indipedence, pride, selfishness or what you want to call it, this friend is in a deep D I Y moment, too deep for X to climb out alone, but X can not realise, don't want to realise, X is very stubborn...
I should just mind about my own business, but what's more important business than a friend?? I mean of course you have to care about your life, about your career, about whatever the fuck you have to care about, but at the end of the day, when you go to meet your friends and you see them with a face down to the ground, you can't skip the bad mood..you can't ignore the nasty atmosphere even if people wants to mask it....i've always been a person that can see over the mask, under the surface of things, i never stopped at the surface to understand what's going around me, i have to dig, cause i've learnt very soon that if you want to get to the core of things you have to dig, dig a lot most of times, not being afraid of every demon that can come out of the hole you dig, be able to face and win the demons, and driven by the will to get to the real thing, i learnt also how to dig deep...But this time X just... surprised me, cause on the surface X looks so bright, so strong, so indipendent, so clever and with the skills to survive, but deep inside X is just another bird through the storm, but X, maybe in this i'm wrong, i hope so, always lived its life in the shadow of someone else, and just recently learnt to spread its wings for its self and fly...but X learnt to do it a bit late maybe, X has had a long life in studies, been in a faraway land to study as well, but now that X is alone and half naked, through the storm, don't seem to know how to fight against the storm, maybe cause someone else did it for X before, or maybe cause X just didn't learn how to know the winds and their directions, the powers that roars and spits against you in this storm we call life, X defend itself creating walls around, but those walls are coming down hitten by the strongest storm of its life, those walls are a prison for X...X can not find harmony with the world around, with itself, cause anyway X is a fighter(harmony maybe is just not something that belongs to fighters...), as X did its battles before, somes are lost, somes are won, some was lost against itself, maybe harmony is not part of X, but X keeps looking for this harmony that can not find, cause X wants this harmony big time...
Yeah, maybe X just needs to be left alone, maybe X just deserves it...
Last time we met X was like a piece of ice, totally indifferent, totally far...maybe just lost in its troubles, maybe just willing to keep far from me, but at the end of the day X texted me it was sorry for this attitude, i actually didn't believe and anyway i didn't care...I don't know X, i felt you did that like you would do it to your dog, but ...i suggest you to buy a dog instead if you need someone to have some kind of personal revenge with...me i'm over on my way...
Take care of yourself, i think i can not really do anything good for you anymore and let me tell you've made me realise it...I don't feel like talking with X anymore in my life, but i really wish X can sort out all its problems, cause X don't deserve to live in this awful storm it's crossing now and can't find the way out...
If the winds will take us on the same road again i will be happy, but for now i will forget everything, cause i really need to forget X, as you can not just ignore X...you need to forget it...

X has been burnt by its mistakes, by mistakes of others,by my mistakes. I tried to give you all the support, i agree, sometimes i went the extra mile, but this is it i don't feel like to care about you anymore...i don't hate you, i don't love you, maybe i just don't understand you anymore...even if i commit i don't understand you anymore, and you neither want to be understood or supported...And as i can not ignore you, even if i tried believe me, i prefer to forget about you, cause all this thing is really corroding me...
whatever X, take care...

Some thoughts about my life, and life of others...

Ok, i'm out!!! nights are over for me...I will just spend a few words about it...
To the snakes that bitched me up for bullshit well...karma...what goes around comes around, remember this...I just add this:"if to live you have to creep, then stand up and die..." You are good in brown nosing...it will take u far in life,expecially in the place u are working now, it's really made for u at all!!! Good luck...

That's all!! Now well, news of days...i'm back at living at day time and things are sorting out big time, even there's my niece and her friend that's come to visit me in brighton and apparently they're gonna stay for some months and more if they like the town and they're enjoing a lot!!! life is good now...I feel a new energy coming through me and it's something strong and calm at the same time...it's just so good, it's a new balance, a new direction, a new sense of freedom and it's just beautyfull!!!I'm thinking about many things i'm feeling in these days, my best friend in Italy, Gigi Baz, I'm thinking about the things i've done in the past, things i wanna do in the future, i'm thinking about faces i've seen, places i've been...and i'm thinking about what a man is...
I feel i am!!! If someone should come to me today and ask me "so, what have you done in your life dude?!"
Wow...things to be proud of!!!! somethings i've done i've got matter to be ashamed of, but well let's take it out!!!
currently about 3000 people have a driving licence thanks to me, with the band we made happy at least 40'000 people (we've meet at least 100'000 for tours and other events) at least 1000 of them had met the love of their life on one of our concerts i think i can esteem, i've partecipated in organising a concert for 25 musicians, that alternated on stage in improvised bands to play a track list that went on for 3 hours with the best musicians in Brescia, I saved 2 girls from a rape(a third one i didn't save her i wasn't man enough at 18, and i still regret it somehow cause i lost her forever...if u're reading this now you know it...i'm hoping really that u sorted out your life even after all, wherever you went after all that happened to u little bird...) I've made some girls sad, i've made some girls very happy, and them made me happy too, one of them after a night of love she gave me the most beautifull feeling i ever felt when she said, naked in my harms, with eyes full of love, whispering with a last breath of voice that i made her feel so protected, i felt to be in her soul so deep in that moment that yes, i realised i was definitely a man...
I've helped my friends in their darkest hour and some of them, the real friends, did the same for me when my darkest hour came...I've named and shamed some real piece of shit that are still paying for what they did...When i were 21 as i was not good for school at 15, i decided to go back at evening courses and working in a iron moulding factory at day, in 4 years i've achieved my diploma as teacher, the winter of that very year the reform of school from Berlusconi's government canceled the validity of my diploma and i found a way out anyway...I've been on the top of the world and i was feeling like in paradise, i've been on the bottom of the world and i felt like shit as well, i rode the poems and the life of Pablo Neruda, and i took it like an example for life, I gave my friends a new matter to stand up and fight again when they were spread on the ground, broken, fucked up, totally wasted and lost with no future in front of them, and they did it for me when it was my moment, I've cried for a month when the soul of Italy, mr Fabrizio de Andre, the songrwriter, the poet, the man, have died in 1999, i felt like a king when i arranged a tribute band to revive his music...I fought the law, and sometimes i won!!!!! Sometimes they've just massacrated me and left me bleeding on the ground grasping for my life, but i'm still here you mutherfuckers...I could add 1000 of things more in this section, but it's very late now and my eyes are closing...may i will update this from time to time when something old pops up in my mind, for now i just cut this!!!

In modern times, where a man is considered to be who can do whatever the fuck he wants with no respect for other people's life, anyway someone will pay for the shit they spread around, a man is who can have all the cocaine he desires, can spread sons all over the world without giving a shit about any of them and live happy with it, if u can rape a girl with feeling no remorse, if u can abuse a child for your own pleasure and go back to your family with an endless smile, if you can fuck your friends with not even thinking that maybe u are making a big bullshit, just to progress in your career, to have another crumb of the biscuit they will allow you to take from time to time, if you are a poor stupid bitch that can find her way in life just making her pussy as large as the tunnel under the channel, if you are so distant from yourself and your souls because they pay you good for it,if u live your life leaving a pile of skulls at your back because someone ordered to you, your life is so fucked up you will never sort it out...

I think, with what i've done in my life, the way it's recognised even by the people i know too, i'm definitely a man...way more of those puppets that i've told about up here, just living my life related to some simple rules, one of them is this : "release your love or get rid of it forever..." i never regretted to feel love for someone, even if sometimes it didn't go the way i expected, i loved more the people i had around than the money i could have earned fucking them up...with all my heart, every moment...
And you, that point that accusating finger at me, asking for what i've done in my life...WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE IN YOUR LIFE??????

Metaprog 20

Ok , nothing much to write about the last 2 weeks, i'm into a metaprog, changing things...i'll tell you about when things are done!!! One more thing to all those who wants to come to uk, beware of snakes and scorpions, it's full of them here!!!!

A song from Ani Di Franco: Tis of thee, i dedicate it to the people that escaped my lost country in the few years...

they caught the last poor man on a poor man's vacation
they cuffed him and they confiscated his stuff
and they dragged his black ass down to the station
and said "ok the streets are safe now.
all your pretty white children can come out to see spot run
and they came out of their houses and they looked around
but they didn't see no one.

and my country tis of thee
to take swings at each other on talk show tv
why don't you just go ahead and turn off the sun
'cause we'll never live long enough to
undo everything they've done to you
undo everything they've done to you

and above 96th street,
they're handing out smallpox blankets
so people don't freeze
the old dogs they got a new trick
it's called criminalize the symptoms
while you spread the disease
i hold on hard to something
between my teeth when i'm sleeping
and i wake up and my jaw aches
and the earth is full of earthquakes

and my country tis of thee
to take shots at each other on prime time tv
why don't you just go ahead and turn off the sun
'cause we'll never live long enough to
undo everything they've done to you
undo everything they've done to you

they caught the last poor man
flying away in a shiny red cape
and they brought him down to the station
and they said "boy you should know better
than to try and escape"
and i ran away with the circus
'cause there's still some honest work left for bearded ladies
but it's not the same goin' town to town
since they put everyone in jail 'cept
the cleavers and the bradys

and my country tis of thee
to take swings at each other on talk show tv
why don't you just go ahead and turn off the sun
'cause we'll never live long enough to
undo everything they've done to you
undo everything they've done to you